#140 - disturbed

is my life too boring? i really don't think so, but i guess my brain thinks so because it felt like it had to inject like a humangaloid load of drama into my dreams last night. not only was it super emotionally traumatic, but it was unbelievable cohesive with a plot and plausible connections and transitions with hardly and of that random dream filler. plus it totally messed up my waking day today so that totally sucks!

so the dream started off pretty mundane... i went to bed maybe around 12:00-12:30 last night... i was walking around an apartment building and i wasn't really supposed to be there, but the elevator opened up in front of me so i got in and i needed a keypass to operate the elevator but the attendants in there asked me what floor and i said 34 so they just pressed it (there were two, and i thought, why do you need TWO elevator attendants?). but there wasn't a button for "34" or any number, but there was a button for the tens digits and the ones digit so they pressed the one for the tens digit three times and pressed the ones digit button four times. the elevator was glass and it was kinda like a disneyland ride because it went up and then on certain floors it cirled in an upwards spiral so that we could see everything on each floor and as we went up to the display floors there were people dressed up in fancy clothes seated in like an orchestral arrangement playing music, like a concert. and i saw two of my friends sitting playing with them and i was surprised to see them because we're all old and out of high school and out of band already. and then i saw a lot of other people i know so it was really surprising because it looked like they must do this a lot and i never knew anything about it. so i got off at that floor and went to talk to them (even though they were playing music) and asked them what they were doing. and they told me that they'd been doing this a long time, one even mentioned that last year they all went on a trip to europe or something to play music. then i got jealous and asked why no one ever told me about it so i could join them and go to europe too. and no one would answer me so i started getting mad, like telling them everyone knew about it except for me and they all should know that i would be the very one to want to join them. but still they were all playing it off like i wouldn't be able to join so i got even more mad. then i spent the entire rest of the dream going around the hotel finding all he different people i knew and asking them all kinds of questions like how long they knew about this and why no one told me about it like it was a big secret society where they all had fun and went on trips and played concerts together and i got even more mad!

then, i woke up because i had to pee, and now it was 9:30 in the morning, so that was like 9 hours of sleep but i was still kind of sleepy and it's sunday so i plopped back down into bed to rest a little bit more, but i feel asleep (like instantly) and the dream continued (which usually doesn't happen right?). but now i had found out that my sister and all her friends were in the orchestra thing too and that made me completely enraged! like look at all these people who were all having fun and going on trips and everything and NO ONE told me about it even though everyone knew that i would love to join them. so i followed my sister to one of their rehersals and confronted her... by this point i was completely out of my mind angry (it's really weird and almost scary how intense emotions can be in a dream, mostly because you have no control over how intense your emotions are in your dream and then it's scary to think that you're capable of ever feeling anger that intense). and she tried to explain but i wasn't having any of it and completely told everyone off. it felt like a really long second half of that dream and when i finally woke up from that i was exhausted... it felt like i actually did it in real life. but i was so happy to be awake and that i was only feeling those emotions in a dream and not in real life. so i get out of bed and go to the living room and the clock says 2:08!!!! holy crap that was almost a 5 hour second dream!!! i couldn't believe it, i mean, i had already slept for 9 hours with a horrible dream and then i went back to sleep for another uber-disturbing 5 hour dream?! the worst part is i had tennis lessons at 2:00 so i completely missed that without calling! so not only did the awful dream mess up my brain for the morning/afternoon, it also wrecked my tennis plans (which i really look forward to on sundays so that royaly sucked). grr...

for a couple minutes i almost thought i was still dreaming because i couldn't believe i slept for another 5 hours, i mean who wakes up at 2:00 pm on a sunday? i feel completely off now. y'know for a couple of weeks i've been feeling kinda off, like i'm not quite with it in terms of doing things i need to do or things working out the way i envision them. maybe this maddening dream was my brain's way of telling me that i need a vacation... well brain... message heard loud and clear. i hear you. you got it.