#81 - it pours

damn this has been the longest week ever... but in the best possible way. i feel like in the past month i've grown up like 10 years. or maybe i just caught up on all that growing up i was supposed to do a long time ago. anyway, it's been busy because i finally got my keys! yup, i guess this should've been a more important post since getting my own place was supposedly the spark that started this whole blog (y'know, reconstructing my life, starting over from the beginning, blah blah), well, that plus boredom.

so monday was the big key day. i didn't do too much, moved some junk in, but mostly just marveled at that empty place, couldn't believe i was actually gonna live there, and all by myself too. everything came out really nicely, i mean, i was optimistic about it because the lady i worked with at the design center was so great and friendly and patient and actually gave my a lot of positive reinforcement about my choices, but to see it all in real life, it was so much nicer than i'd imagined. i'm really glad i spent all that money on it, it was so well worth it (although ask me again in december when my first mortgage payment is due).

tuesday was a buy lots of crap that i didn't know i needed until i needed it kind of day. it was also a what the crap i have no clue what i'm doing did i really think i could do this all on my own kind of day. uplifting and depressing all at once, but i shouldn't be complaining at all. i think my philosophy right now is spend on what you really want and don't worry too much about it because it's an investment, and then save by fore-going the things that would just be nice to have and do without them because really, my hugest investment was the place itself, and all those other things really just block out spots on my wonderful bamboo floor so don't need, haha. the rest of the week until now is kind of a blur, a mix of stress, rushing, wonderfulness, and going back and forth between home, work, new home, home, work, store, new home, home, new home, work, yikes.

anyway, all in all, things are really coming together, bumps in the road all over the place of course, but y'know when it rains...

#80 - third rock

that last movie post got me reminiscing... anyone remember "3rd rock from the sun?" it's one of my very favorite tv shows. it's all about perspective. taking the things that get overlooked in daily life and seeing them for the first time. plus it was damn funny. anyway, it's that perspective that i wish i could capture a little more of throughout my everyday life. i get so stuck in routines sometimes that i miss out a lot on those things that go out outside of my routine. and then when something outside that routine interferes it causes me a lot of stress (even if it's a good thing, but that's the PDD side of me talking). if you could see everyday with new eyes how much more wonderful would each day be? what a great experience that would be, being able to step back and look at the world with an open perspective. it would be great.

ps - who the crap would've guessed that the long-haired girlie looking kid would end up in so many movies? pretty good roles too. weird.

#79 - the lookout

just saw this movie, i didn't know what it was about really when i put it on my blockbuster queue... so i was really surprised to find out it was about TBI! woo hoo! sure, i'm a dork, but i think neuropathy is just about the most fascinating thing in the world. and even though i'm in no rush to head off and get a second degree in neuroscience (i've got no more motivation for school, i got drained out of that after junior year of high school), that don't mean i won't read/watch/listen to every single interesting neurogenic article/tv show/whatever that comes my way. so, couple tramatic brain injury and a 100 minute movie together and you've got the perfect combination for me.

anyway, a pretty well made movie i think, in the respect that it handled tbi as the focal point of the story, but not so overpowering so it looks like some kinda PSA to seat belts. plus i'm a nerd and recognized the s/s of the disorder as they occurred in the movie. but bottom line, it was a storyline that was nicely in-tuned (if that's a word) with what post-tbi people really go through. i am especially fascinated with tbi because it's so incredibly common and can happen to absolutely anyone. don't you wonder, while walking around the mall, or going out to eat or something who around you might have had a tbi? i think that all the time, haha, because i see TONS of people who act like they should've had a tbi, whether they did or not, haha. but really, it's like being judgmental and biased in a good way, because i empathize more with strangers (whether i know or not about their neurogenic status), and i think it makes me think like a better person. in fact, sometimes i think that i must've had a tbi because i find myself doing tbi-like things more and more often... hmm.

point is, brains are cool. i think i might have to get back into adult neurogenics at some point in my career, something in the world is calling me back to it. eventually. maybe i'll get a tbi and then i'll be in therapy and then i can be that therapist who needs therapy himself. is it sad that i think that might be a pretty cool life? like, say you suddenly have a stroke and get aphasia and then you can't do your regular job anymore so you collect disability or whatever and then volunteer to be the therapist with aphasia who provides therapy to other people with aphasia? doesn't that sound like a pretty nice life? helping people out like that? well, i'm sure there are downsides... pretty big downsides, but at least you'd be helping people and it'd be like you really had a purpose in life. okay, i'm probably over-estimating the awesome-ness of that situation, but (getting back to the movie) i guess that movie just made me think that going through a traumatic brain injury like that would really give your life focus (how paradoxical is that?). i mean, you'd have so many difficulties that your goals would simplify up so much. but then again, you'd probably not want such a simplistic life and it would drive you crazy that you couldn't have more than a simplistic life (and who says you can't?).

anyway, i'm essaying here (remember how in high school, mrs. itagaki taught me that an "essay" is not just writing about a topic, but the word "essay" means a journey so when writing an essay it's not important that your train of thought is the same throughout... in fact, it's better when you use the writing to "travel" to new ideas)... but go check out the movie, it's very nicely introspective without being too overly dramatic. i liked it.

#78 - reconstruct

while i'm still not completely decided on whether or not the fall break is a good or bad thing (on the plus side, a week-long break from work is always a good thing, but at the expense of shortening the summer and making us start work in july in a sweltering room for an extra month and a half), i've gotta say that this has been one of the most eventful vacations i've had in a few years. the even better part about it is that i've had very little time to think about the fact that i've gotta go back to work, i've had lot of other things on my mind.

1. reconstruct - change is hard. sure. but, what the heck? it's good too. 1 week until freedom. wow, only one more week and i'll have my own place. i can barely believe it still. the good part about this whole process is that i bought it before it was built so that gave me 7 months of preparing to move out on my own (finally). i probably wouldn't have been ready if i had bought a resale and moved in right away. but this gave me lots of time to get my mind used to the idea of living on my own (even though the motivation is there, reality doesn't always match up, so i had lots of time for reality to catch up to imagination), and now i feel very prepared to start my life again, independently (kind of the whole point of this blog in the first place, if anyone remembers that).

2. continuation - usually when vacations come up i seem to slip back a little, i think i take vacations a little to enthusiastically and let myself regress in terms of what direction i want my life to go in. okay, way over-dramatically stated. what do i really mean... hmm... here's an example, during the regular work week i tend to fall behind on my sleep-getting and therefore fall behind on my exercise and workouts because of tiredness, then when vacation comes i think that i can use them as opportunities to regain some normalcy in my sleeping patterns and therefore reestablish positive workout cycles. what actually happens is i try to fill up my vacations with so many other things that are lacking during the working week (including the opportunity to stay up way late and therefore not get any more sleep than i would during the work week anyway) that my cycles are distorted even more than during the work week and i'm actually looking forward to getting back into the working routine to reestablish those routines (even though they're not ideal). this fall break though, i've been able to keep a positive rhythm flowing in addition to adding those vacation-type activities into my days, so i feel like i'm in good shape to keep up with myself during the upcoming work week and i feel like i will do better at not falling behind.

3. forward motion - all in all, things are looking up. it feels like i'm finally getting my life on some kind of track and that track ain't too shabby. my theme song right now is "up and up" by relient k (of course, what other band would it be?). of course, i can't stop now, because all along the way there'll be obstacles and hardships, but it's all about maintaining that forward motion. not falling back on contentment, but pushing forward. cause things are good when you're feeling positive and enjoying that forward striving movement. i know i've quoted relient k before, but this sums up my intentions at the moment:

yesterday was not quite what it could have been. as were most of all the days before. but i swear today with every breath i'm breathing in. i'll be trying to make it so much more // cause it seems i get so hung up on. the history of what's gone wrong. that the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see. but i'm finally catching on to it. yeah the past is just a conduit. and the light there at the end is where i'll be //


ps - anyone see snl last night? i feel very optimistic that our generation is finally poised to make an impact on this world... why? take a look at this:



now, if you saw it and you instantly recognized every single character and why they're funny, then you too are among the current and future leaders of the world! finally, we've come to the age of determination! our childhood memories become reality! we control the culture of america! mwahahahahahaha!!!!