not quite huh? this is my 99th post. have i gotten to where i wanted to get? what was this all about? well, boredom for one. narcissism for two. hopefully a way to keep myself on track to where i want to be in life... for three.
i wasn't planning on doing anything special for my 100th post, i'm not big into numbers or milestones, i feel it's a pretty arbitraty thing (well, i guess that's the whole point of having it huh? deeming something important so that it's easier for us to comprehend or make sense of things). i kinda feel the same way about my 100th post as i do about my age, it comes and goes. not that it isn't important, because if it never came, then it could never go so it's important to have. but when you look back at it, wouldn't it me be much more satisfying to see the 100th post and NOT see something special about it? that would mean that each post was a point along the line and i didn't have to MAKE the 100th post special in order to have it be important.
well, that's probably overthinking it, but the point being that just by getting to the 100th post absolutely does not mean that i've made progress with this blog and with my life. yes there has been progression, but also some sliding back as well. obviously the house has done great things toward me getting my life on a nice looking path, but it's still so difficult to follow, and really, who knows where i'm trying to get anyway? self-improvement is difficult to pinpoint, therefore how can i plot my way to it if i don't know where i'll end up? the point is, i guess, that you take the road there without reservation and with honest intent, then whereever you get to is where you should be.
anyway, just a little contemplation before embarking again on another 100 posts of me trying to get my life on track. there are so many things that i think i should be doing, or should be doing better, and little by little i work down that list and take the small steps to get there. looks like it's gonna take some time, well, it might as well, i've got a lifetime to do it.
ps - i was walking to the mailbox tonight and it was freezing cold. the air was chill and i grabbed a jacket just to walk down the street to the mailbox, but the whole scene brought me back some great memories. something in the air reminded me so much of being in san diego. i was there for about 5 days for a speech path convention a couple of years ago, i gotta believe that trip was a big turning point for me. it wasn't all fantastic, there was turbulence (a definately understatement there), but it all brought me great perspective on where my life was and where i wanted it to go. walking through sand diego gave me my first real motivation to find my own place, to explore my independence, to recognize the importance of friendships and relationships and how to evaluate each one for the better or worse, just being able to walk in the crisp air with a jacket under clear skies feeling like... well, a grown up (since i can't find words that don't sound so dorky). plus it was just a great place. i've always said that there's absolutely no reason for me to want to live anywhere but hawai'i, but if i had to, san diego is absolutely on the top of my very very short list.
anyway, it's that feeling of independence and the thought that i might actually be a part of the world that was so captivating about that trip and being in that place. i suppose since i grew up here and have lived here all my life i sometimes belittle my place here, and taking a trip to somewhere else, a place that surprisingly impressed me with how much i liked it, and then add on to that that it was a business trip where i actually made a contribution to the convention itself (albeit a pretty lame one, my research project for grad school was made into a presentation board), on my own just for the betterment of my own career (basically) made something click. that click started me off on this road and i'd like to keep up that motivation... that pic up there in the banner, that's from san diego, looking at it i can just feel the crispness of the air by the ocean and i remember how i felt walking through that city, i want to keep that intent, and use it to keep me striving forward.
Dear Abby
1 week ago
1 comment:
i love blogs. they are wonderful things, even if no one else reads them. i read yours and you read mine but other than that, who really knows? i guess there are ways to know but more than anything it's a great way to reflect and journal. there are many blogs with themes (yesterday i was finding many on making obento!) but they don't have to be. there aren't many rules and you can express yourself without too much judgement (unless you are a famous blogger, which apparently happens..). it's a great way to keep up with your friends when you are too lazy to e-mail. i feel so lame and lazy for not keeping in touch with y'all. so at least i know what's happening in your life and mind sometimes. i mean this is where i find out about marriages and babies.
it's nice that you could identify a specific time/place that you changed your perspectives and such. i still haven't been to san diego but i hear it's great! i think you'd like portland too, fun place. anyway i think my changes have been mostly gradual. i guess going to college was a big one but that too had many small gradual changes. your twenties are mostly years where you figure out the important stuff. someday we will figure those things out, till then...keep blogging!
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