#209 - effort

i think i've been a stout believer in the whole "work smarter, not harder" philosophy. in my head, that equates to doing things in the most efficient way possible with the least amount of effort possible. like even from when i was a little kid i would never take more than one trip between car and house when helping my mom carry in groceries because i believed that it was possible to carry everything all at once (thereby reducing the un-needed extra trip, which mean extra effort to me). and then i'd drop stuff because i was a kid and then i'd get yelled at for not taking two trips, but i'd do it the same way the next time. and whenever i had to set the table i made sure to plan my walks between kitchen and dining room so that my hands were never empty (i.e. i always carried something that needed to be in the other room so i wouldn't have to take a wasted trip back for it). seems ocd, and it probably was a little bit, but that meant that i was being efficient and effective right?

anyway, so i think that way of thinking spread to other areas of my life as i grew older... i did not feel it was necessary to do too much school-work (aka "effort") if i could get a good feel for what was gonna be on the test (because that's all i really needed to know about most subjects). doing that over and over again made me really good at giving teachers what they wanted without having to over-study everything and make myself miserable. so by doing all this, i think i got a pretty good balance between being successful in what i'm doing and also liking it and having fun with it.

so, this brings me to the point of this post... so i joined that community orchestra right? well, i joined it with the intention of it being a pretty casual hobby. a once-a-week kind of thing where i could go there, play a bit, maybe perform once in awhile to give it at least some importance, but after those two hours are over i can go about the rest of my life stress-less.

well, i think that may change... i just finished my first stint with them, it was a short 6 week thing for a couple of christmas concerts, so i guess that's why the music was pretty easy. i didn't practice for it and the rehersals were just fun run-throughs of the songs. but... now they're starting a new round of rehearsals for about 3 months with new songs that are quite a bit harder. on top of that, one of the conductors (who is also my old teacher who plays the same instrument as i do) said that he would like to "groom me" to take over playing the 1st part for when he does his conducting stint (there are three conductors and they rotate playing instruments and conducting). so, now i have to play the 1st part, which is also considerably harder than the 2nd part i was previously playing.

so, this is the problem. i know i have a long time until the concert and if i wanted to i could still just go to the once-a-week rehearsals and not touch the music outside of that and be fine in time for the concert... but, since there are only three of us playing the same instrument and now i might be the only one playing the 1st part i'm very exposed during rehearsals and so i feel like i have to make sure that i know the part well enough to play as if everything was a solo. great. this is exactly what i did NOT want. all i wanted was a casual little hobby that i could do for fun with very little to no stress. in fact, right before he told me that i'd be taking over the 1st part i was actually thinking of telling them that i was gonna take a little break from the orchestra (volleyball season's coming up and some games fall on the same day as rehearsals and i really like playing volleyball and i don't get the opportunity to do so very much so i'm not missing those games). but so much for that plan! and plus, those other guys who play the same instrument as me are BETTER than me, but they just don't come to rehearsals consistently (they actually have jobs and possibly lives... although they're pretty dorky so i'm not sure about that) so that's why i got the call.

ugh. i'm not looking forward to this. how did this casual little hobby turn into something so involved? but that guy who was my old teacher gets so excited now that he has me to talk all dorky music stuff to so how i can disappoint? he's always telling me he wants to conduct this song or that song, and he sends me music by email and tells me to study it because he wants to do that song in the next concert round, and he tells me to go out and buy the cd recording of it to follow along or to buy my own music stand or to buy this or that other dorky music thing and i want to tell him, "y'know, i really don't want to spend any money on this stuff," but he gets so excited about it can't bring myself to kill his buzz.

so here i go. i'm gonna go practice now. ugh. what a dork am i.