i'm pretty sure i'm a socially awkward person. there are many situations throughout a normal day when i say to myself, "i'm such a dork," like when i'm talking to someone new or random (like at the store or something). or even in instances where i miss communication because i feel like i shouldn't talk to random people or i avoid eye contact or whatever with random people. i create socially awkward situations on a very consistent basis.
anyway, the tipping point for this realization was on sunday, i went to pick up food from bale (i love pho... even though everyone says it's not "real pho" i still like it) and there's this lady who works there who says hi to me everytime i go in. and, granted, when i first moved in i was going there maybe every or every other sunday after church, but when she says hi, it's a little too much, like she REALLY knows me, except she doesn't. well, so i thought what happened is that she mistook me for someone else that looks like me that actually comes in all the time because one time she asked me about my girlfriend and when i told her i didn't have one she looked confused and said that we always came and ate in the restaurant, but i always take out. then last sunday she asked how work was going and asked if i was working a lot... i never told her about my job or anything, but it's a pretty generic question so i guess she could just be trying to make small talk, but it also sounded like she thought i was someone else who used to talk to her about work. but there may actually be someone that looks like me that works (or used to work) at starbucks because a while ago at maui tacos the guy there asked about work too and said "don't you work at starbucks?" so maybe i do have a look-alike out there.
anyway, so this whole thing got me thinking about how many socially awkward situations i get myself into on a daily basis and it is rather a lot. so i decided to make an effort to be more open and talky and try to have some normal interactions. that's why this post has pictures (that my aunty took) of moloka'i, the friendly isle, haha. i've been trying it out with some new friends i've been meeting and that's been going okay, and i've been trying it out with some random people at the store or out surfing and i'm still very dorky about it, but i guess it's working.
but then i was out surfing today at chun's (it was a nice day, clean waves, tons of people out there) and i was trying to be friendly and smile and things like that. so after i'm done, i'm walking back to my car from the grassy side of the beach (where the lifeguard tower is), i'm approaching the road and some guy in a passing car yells out his window "nice board, pu$$y." wtf right? i was shocked because it was so random. first i thought, "i don't know them, do i? nope." then i thought, "did i offend them while i was surfing, cut them off or something? nope." well, i was having a little bit of hard time carrying my board (it's pretty big and heavy and my arms aren't that long) so maybe they were just making fun of me, but that's so random and they would've been driving past so fast that how could they even see that... and then laugh, and then decide to yell something offensive, and then actually yell it before the car passed.
so, that was pretty rude. and it don't matter too much because i don't know who it was and it was so random so why worry right? but it got me thinking, what would make someone so randomly act in that manner? and i started asking for a little guidance from the Lord because lately i've been trying to have a little more trust in his plans and not rely on my own, flawed judgement like i have been too much. well, so it didn't hit me at first, but as i thought more and more about it, the realization came to me that even in random acts we can either pick out the positive or the negative of the situation. the negative, of course, being that i could've gotten super pissed and been angry at the world all day. the positive being that i could think about what would compell someone to perform a random act of meaness and think about times when i've done the same thing. like giving someone stink eye in traffic, or rolling my eyes at the lady at jack-in-the-box who gives me the wrong change, or something so needless like that. and in thinking about that aspect of the situation it has made me more diligent in trying to spread positives instead of negatives in my own life. see? so the Lord has a plan, i need to trust in him more.
okay, but if you're not down with the religious-ness of this message (i'm catholic after all...), how about just thinking about how tough it can be in the world with everyone spreading one random act of meaness everyday. it might not happen that often to any one person, but think about how that negativity circulates and grows, why not replace it with goodness instead? how's that? hippie enough? how about this then... this song has been stuck in my head from the instant i heard it on sunday and i've been singing it every moment since, for a reason?
wild world - cat stevens (i like the acoustic version by three sides now)
"it's hard to get by just upon a smile"
1 comment:
you don't even know how socially awkward i feel now. so i quit drinking like two months ago and not i'm just weird when i go out. it's not as easy to talk to people because i don't have that "social lubricant". i always have that feeling that i'm uncool and that people are always judging what i wear, say and do. i'm sure i'm not that important but still, that's how i feel.
that's totally funny about the bale lady. maybe you DO have an evil twin...who likes the same food as you but works at starbucks. hmm...maybe you can get free starbucks.
i love molokai! :)
that surfing thing though, that was just rude and mean! that person was probably just feeling insecure and what not. i totally hate carrying my board because of the same reasons. i saw this guy with a longboard carrier thing, it basically just hooked under the board and there was a handle. i was like, awesome!
practice random acts of kindness. i've realized that negativity and meanness gets you nowhere. it's not making you feel any better nor is it making the world better. what was that movie?.. with the kid and kevin spacey. oh! pay it forward. what a cool concept!
so anyway, i loved your blog. good stuff.
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