#161 - slave to schedule

i know i've been over this subject before... but i guess it takes a few times going over it to sink into my brain. i'm a slave to my schedule. and it's gonna take some time to get over it. i was doing pretty well (see my other posts about guilt and over-adherance to my self-imposed routines) these past few weeks but you take a few steps forward and still slip back sometimes. but, yesterday was an especially great day because i didn't let my intention to carry out set plans interfere with actually carrying them out. see, i went surfing, but was disappointed when i got to the beach because it was cold and cloudy and the water was flat, so i drove up and down north shore from haleiwa to a little past sunset just looking around, being a tourist for an hour or so and ended up at lani's. it was still cold, no sun out and little waves, but i let myself forget about my original plans and went in anyway. and it was a nice day out there, i actually saw and talked to someone i knew out there and it ended up being a pretty good time, i even stayed way longer than i had planned to (mostly because i was talking to my friend).

then as soon as i got home i found myself again creating pinpoint plans in my head about how to spend the rest of the night. but luckily my friend called to play tennis so i let myself let go of those plans and go with the flow of the day. and it was loads of fun too. so what does that tell me? why do i get so worked up about creating hour-by-hour plans for my days? it's summertime dammit! why can't i go with the flow?

well, i've identified one problem... my calendar. i've been writing down everything i do each day. it started off because i wanted to keep track of my workouts at the gym, to make sure that i'm making the most of my $$ gym membership. but i've been noticing that it's becoming more of a guilt thing to me, when i don't see any writing each day i've come to regard those days as "wasted time." when really, that's not the case right? can't condense all of your life experiences into a few words and phrases on a calendar, that's dumb. so, i've stopped writing in my calendar (well, besides appointments and special events of course). i think it's going well so far. i've got to stop being a slave to these artificial devices and live freely. right?