#86 - comfort

it's amazing how far from comfort you can be before you find it again. and how quickly it can come rushing back. since i've moved in it's been a slow (but surprisingly constant) process of adjusting to living on my own and getting comfortable with the fact that this place is now my home. i never really felt that way dorming at UH (probably because of UH... and also the fact that i went home almost every weekend, hey, free food, free laundry, how could i refuse?), and it's been a slow process trying to gain that feeling here. too many unfinished jobs, too many essentials still to get before feeling that i could live independently. of course, i'll never be completely done with everything, but today was a huge step, the furniture's in, pictures are up, paint is done! here's my new living room: here's the view into my kitchen:
my new queen bed:
and my new guest bedroom/office:
notice my old bed and desk and chair and bookshelf and end table in there? haha.

so even though it was just a simple thing to have the furniture delivered, things don't feel so much in limbo anymore. it feels like i have some sort of ownership of this place, phased out all the temporary stuff and got my own stamp on everything in there.

so anyway, back to the point of this post... on monday i lost all comfort. it was a damn crappy day, just nothing ended up going my way, work sucked (as it always does), but on that day it went beyond sucking. normally i get upset at my clients, sure because they're all dumb, but usually i can say to myself, well yeah they're dumb that's why i see them so nevermind. but on monday i couldn't. monday i got angry. it's not a good thing knowing that you're getting very mad and knowing that you really shouldn't be getting mad and knowing that it really sucks that you're allowing yourself to go past that point of anger where you say, dang i didn't know i could get that mad, but yet you're there. okay, sometimes those days happen, you drive yourself out of your own comfort by your own doing but can't stop it. it would have been okay, but like i said, things just weren't going my way on monday and bad news compiled upon more bad news turned the whole thing to crap. comfort that i (perhaps selfishly) expected wasn't there and that of course made things worse.

but tuesday was a different day and after falling pretty low on monday it's a bit uplifting to know that there's gotta be an upside after that. and even though things change and positives creep up, it takes time to work through them and that's what tuesday was... more living in limbo. just waiting for wednesday.

so today is wednesday. funny how things can change so drastically. comfort found again. so what have i learned?

- self-pity = crap, don't need it
- don't jump to conclusions, you have a thought, fine, keep it at "a thought" and continue living your life until something tells you different
- tv can be pretty useful self-therapy, my guilty pleasure = "the hills," lauren is hot
- i need a piano
- live like you're on tv... like someone's watching you go through the hard times, it'll keep you honest and force you to work things out

for tomorrow... things are looking up, keep at it, don't falter, there are good things to work for.