#33 - that's what i was told to do

took the a-dawg for a walk today, man, dogs don't like to pose for pictures, what's up with that? anyway, i tried to take many many pictures of dog-walking, but this is the only one that came out (when she was sniffing the camera lens). it looks kinda creepy yah?

anyway, today's post is about what i did today and why i did it. i think this is becoming a prevailing trend for me... not listening to my brain. if you subscribe to freudian theories, i'm talking about the ego, because i think my ego has been winning the war for the past 25 years and i'm a bit sick of it. who is it to tell me what to do? sure, that superego is sitting up there all self-righteous and being a poser, but it's that frickin ego that makes me force myself to be "productive" everyday and workout at the gym when i'm too tired and stay up when i should be taking a nap. yeah, i've done all that already, y'know where it got me? it got me turning things that i like to do (workout at the gym, go lap swimming, surfing, tennis, eating yummy food, taking naps) into things that i don't like to do, either because i feel guilty about not doing it enough, or not doing it completely, or not preparing myself so that i'll get the most out of it. for example, from christmas time to spring break i forced myself to go to the gym twice a week to work out because i told myself that i would regret it if i didn't... but then that meant going to work out when i was too tired, or not motivated enough, or too preoccupied with other things going on to concentrate on what i was doing or to even have fun doing it. then, when i told myself not to go to the gym on any particular day i'd feel tons guilty about not going, or when i did go and wasn't prepared to make the most of it, i'd feel guilty about that too.

so, during spring break (when i wasn't working and had no excuse not to go to an empty gym every morning), i decided not to go to the gym at all because i had already turned it into something that didn't make me feel good about doing (or not doing). i told myself i'd start back up when i went back to work and again make it something i could do for fun, to relieve stress, whatever. so that's what i did. and it worked. and now i don't listen to my brain to tell me what to do (because my brain wants me to do too much, and i can't do all of it). i listen to what my other brains tell me to do (that sounds not like what it sounds like, let me explain).

i was watching "fat: what no one is telling you" on pbs the other night and there was an interesting segment on the digestive system. they were saying that the nervous system that regulates the system is really like a second brain (or third brain if you count the brainstem as one primative brain, then the cortex as a more advanced brain) that sends signals to the brain in your head to regulate feeding and fasting. doesn't that make sense? in fact, why should our body be regulated by one brain at all? doesn't that seem silly? everything in nature comes with built-in redundancy, so why is it that we only have one, non-regenerating brain (that's not to say that the brain doesn't self-heal... when neurons die they don't grow back, but they form new connections to compensate for the lost cells)? in fact, one point the show made was that in gastric by-pass surgery, the weight loss does not occur because of the reduced physical capacity of the stomach, but actually because during surgery, some neurons that send "i want food" signals to the brain are severed and so appetite is supressed.

anyway, i liked the documentary (minus the gushy emotional-psychological crap, y'know, the "boo hoo, i'm fat" stuff) because it explored the physiology behind fat and discussed the fact that we're all in survival mode, and the body wants to make fat. so simple really. i was watching "planet earth" and they were showing polar bears who lose half their weight from winter to spring and humpback whales that live off of fat for 5 months and it underscores the role that fat plays in survival situations and how useful it is.

anyway, i'm a big advocate of learning about healthy living and eating. i recommend FSHN 185 to every single college freshman because of the science that it imparts to eating and nutrition, after that class everything just made so much sense to me. and it's amazing how little most people know about nutrition and what they're putting into their bodies. i was so close to getting into public health administration in college, but i didn't want to get my master's degree (but look what happened anyway, i'm a dummy). anyway, one thing i didn't like about the documentary were the sob stories about fat people and their "success" stories about "accepting their bodies." while i agree that every human is very different and weights and fats and muscle masses and whatever are different for everyone, there still is healthy and not so healthy, and obesity falls into the latter category. you feel bad that you're fat? well you should, that means that you can change it. fine, some people say it's hard to change, or they can't change. to a certain point you can't alter your genetic make-up, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to be unhealthy, you may not be a model or star athlete, but you can be healthy. otherwise you can die. i think the alternative is not so good.

okay, not like i'm so against fat people, i think i'm just against people complaining about discrimination. i've probably still got some fall-out from that "nappy headed ho's" thing (which i still think is pretty funny, the whole situation i mean, that someone said it, that someone else got so offended, that it turned into such a huge thing, y'know?), but to everyone who feels they are discriminated against because of their ethnicity, gender, fatness, i say poo to you. because for everyone who can claim they've been a "victim" of fatness discrimination there's someone else who gets "discriminated" for being too short, or too tall, or too blond, or having too many freckles, so just stuff it.

hmm, this post turned out kind of angry at the end huh? that was not my intention at the beginning, but oh well, i guess that's what was on my mind...

ps - wish me luck, i'm gonna try and upgrade to windows vista tonight.. i'm gonna cross my fingers and hope i don't lose anything!