#289 - forget and not slow down

1. Forget And Not Slow Down
2. I don't Need A Soul
3. Candlelight
5. Part of It
7. Therapy
8. Over it
9. Sahara
11. Savannah
13. If you believe me
14. This Is The End
15. (If You Want it)

if you've been reading my blog for awhile you'll know that relient k is my favorite band of all time. somehow it just seems like they make songs that speak to me, very specifically, at all the different points of my life. well, okay, i only started listening to them in college, but somehow pretty much each one of their songs seems personally written to my life, y'know how that is sometimes? i mean, it happens with individual songs here and there, but something about these relient k guys... it seems like every song is written for me. like, if i didn't know any better i'd swear they were following my life as a reality show and writing up my soundtrack. i could pick one of their songs for how i've felt in pretty much every period of my life since college to now. maybe i'm just lucky that coincidentally their musical ideas have come to reflect what's going on in my life, but then again, why should i be so special? i'm sure tons of people feel exactly the same way, we're all humans, we all live on earth, we're not so different. who am i to assume that i'm the only one going through what i'm going through? that should be a comforting thought. and it is.

additionally, this band makes use of their notes... one of my biggest pet peeves is how musicians stretch out words over notes, nevermind beyonce and her rifts, i like musicians who make use of every note, have something important to say. that's how relient k is, they don't stretch phrases, but they don't just add in filler words either, their lyrics are very well written. and good writing is very important to me.

and so how coincidental is it that i pre-ordered their newest CD a little over a month ago and it just came in the mail on FRIDAY? perfect timing. how does it happen? (the short answer is, "the Lord works in mysterious ways," but i won't get into faith on this blog) i do have to thank someone though, because man was i in need of this album this weekend. i was gonna write down some lyrics here that really struck me, but man i'd have to write out each song, seriously. how do these guys capture so well these life events and subsequent feelings... and how does it seem to correlate with my own life so perfectly?

well, gotta thank the man upstairs for that probably. he knows so much more than i do.

anyway, just in case anyone out there (or anyone you know) is going through or have just gone through a break-up (don't know if you could call what i had a "break-up" though... that's perhaps being a little over-dramatic), tell them to give this cd a listen.

and on that note, it's time to find the silver lining:took this picture at the beach today, lying on a picnic table, no clouds in the sky today to find the silver lining.. but i call this photo "the triforce" and perhaps the gold lining is better than the silver lining, so now i try to take a step back and take away some good from all of this... here we go:

1. "i've been convicing myself that i'm worthwhile, cause i'm worth what i'll convince myself to be" - (If You Want It), track 15

confidence. i have none. i need some. somehow i've got it in my head that it has to come from others, that someone else has to see what i see in myself in order to believe that what i see is true. but i don't need validation from someone else to think i'm worth something... and if i don't get that validation, that doesn't mean i'm worth nothing. heck, if you don't have confidence in yourself then how can others have confidence in you? now, deep down i know i have confidence, but would it kill me to show it sometime? (i'm talking about confidence in a very specific area of my life, of course, in other areas i probably have altogether TOO much confidence, haha.)

2. "cause i could spend my life just trying to sift through, what i could've done better but what good do what ifs do" - forget and not slow down, track 1

go for what you want. who cares if you look like an idiot doing it? one good thing i can say about myself through this is that i didn't hold back (well, maybe temporarily i did, old habits die hard, but i didn't hold back forever). if you know me (and more importantly, know my family), you'll know that me and my family are major repress-ers... that's how i was raised and that's what i've grown accustomed to. we don't talk about a lot of things. it's not that we don't care about each others' lives, it's just that there are things we don't talk about. dating is definately one of them. (we would have made pretty great mormons, i think) as far as my parents and i are concerned, my sisters never dated ever (well, except for their husbands). i wasn't so good at keeping things under wraps, but you get the idea, dating is not a topic of conversation during my family dinners. and so perhaps i'm not the greatest when it comes to trying to express myself and most times i let things slide, i go with the flow, even if the flow is where i don't want to go. but i'm getting better, and this time when the flow was not where i wanted to be, i spoke up, and (even though it didn't help much) and i can at least say that i didn't hold back just because i was afraid of consequences. i mean, like look at the 2016 olympics... why are people criticizing obama? thank goodness we have a president who stands up for something he believes in and wants. some people say he shouldn't be messing with this olympics stuff while the are more pressing government matters and that is was an "embarrassment" that he went to personally advocate for the chicago olympics, bullshit, good for him, he saw something he wanted to accomplish and he threw himself into trying to make it happen. why the hell should we be "embarrassed" about that? that the person we have representing the united states is willing to go before others for something he believes in and wants no matter what the critics will think of it? good for us, for once i feel patriotic (that doesn't happen much).

3. "and if a nightmare ever does unfold, perspective is a lovely hand to hold" - Part of It, track 5

life is still beautiful. okay, i know how corny that sounds. but even after all that's happened this weekend, i went surfing today and guess what? the ocean was still beautiful. the weather was still envigorating. even the heavy rains that fell last night were comforting and the cold air was so inviting. i love this time of the year for the weather, right before halloween and into christmas (although christmas can kind of be depressing, the weather is oh so comforting). the nights get colder, the air gets crisper, the sun still shines but not so harshly, it shines warmly. the moon and stars at night are gorgeous. when the wind whips up and the rains come down it makes everything feel alive, don't you think? so today (even though the water was super gross... because of the rain yesterday and all the gunk that the river washed out), surfing was great. just as great as it was before this past week. and so, yes, i know, life goes on, but it goes on amazingly well, and all i have to do is open my eyes to see it.

blisters on my feet i crawled back home
frozen from the sleet burned sand and stones
nourished back to life by life alone
with one shake of the mane regain the throne
(If You Want It) - track 15