#189 - my job...

i'll be the first to admit... no one knows what a speech pathologist does.

most times when people ask me, i spout off something about stuttering, post-stroke rehabilitation, lisp-ers, or kids that say "wabbit" instead of "rabbit." but although i would like to think that the majority of my job really consists of working with stuttering clients or aphasia (that's when people have difficulty speaking after having a stroke), the reality is that, in hawaii, my only solid job options are in the schools. therefore, my daily working responsibilities are drastically different, and really not what i'd like to admit to doing all day, every day.

so for anyone who has ever wondered what i do at work monday through friday, my job is exactly like this:

... except that my clients are a lot younger and it doesn't take a minute and 36 seconds to make them cry.

#188 - women in television

can i just tell you all how unbelievably happy i am that terminator: the sarah conner chronicles was not cancelled? i was really worried after reading all those articles and everything on the internet blogs, but it was back today and will be back in two weeks and sam said they'd at least finish out the season so i'm happy. almost makes me want to go out and buy a dodge ram... for some reason, haha. i mean, how can you get rid of an incredibly awesome show like this? i give the writers buttloads of credit for the integrity they're showing, like on today's episode, it sounds corny, but it impresses me when tv shows keep their story real by remembering the past, by not letting bygone plot elements fade from memory, but by revisiting them, just as normal people would. besides, how can you get rid of girls like this?another thing i really liked about the show is that it's completely from sarah's point of view. that was the great thing about it all last season but they kinda got away from it at the beginning of this season. they always had sarah doing the voiceovers but for some reason they changed it the first couple episodes and i thought that was a big mistake. i guess the writers thought so too so they brought back her voiceovers and i think that was a very wise move.
i mean, how can you deny this lady? remember in T2 when she was all speared through the arm and kept shooting the T1000 and reloading her rifle with one arm? classic!

and on that note... here are some other ladies in television that i have comments about:
the lady who plays catherine weaver on terminator (the creepy albino T1000) was the lead singer of garbage! weird right? remember "stupid girl?" haha, blast from the past...but, i will admit they made me like her tonight, they had some nice, terminator related humor, that fight scene with cameron and the new terminator, sweet. i love terminator fighting, not fancy stuff, just smash and crash, awesome.
those volkswagon commercials with brooke shields are hilarious... i love it when pompous actors play themselves being pompous, that's rich. but even funnier was this picture...

i swear, this is the most annoying little tv brat that was, and ever has been on television. not that i don't need another reason to be annoyed at "heroes" anymore, but man... i wanna punch her in her fat mouth.

tina fey, amy pohler, and kristen wiig - the three funniest women on television... just watch the videos:




and finally, one lady on tv that i absolutely detest (and she's even on the radio with that whiney, bitchy voice)... yup, you guessed it, the most pompous, arrogant, nasty bitch of all:

#187 - house-i-versary

wow, so it's been exactly one year today that i moved into my own place and it's still awesome. at first i really didn't want to use the word "house-i-versary" that wongie made up for it, but after she kept saying it like 18 million times it's stuck in my head now and i can't NOT say it... but that's okay, because this is a big deal, i mean, getting my own place was the start of what got me started even writing this blog. i can't imagine still living at home, come home from work and having to talk to people all the time, giving everyone my weekend plans every friday so they can begin asking a stomach-churning amount of questions, having to censor my tv laughing and comment making while watching dumb tv shows. it's like i have a real life now or something. still, there are some things that i miss about living at home... allie (the dog) for one, a refrigerator full of food (and not having to eat the same lasagna for one whole week because i've got so much leftovers), i guess... family too... or whatever.
look at how great my place looked when it was brand new... so clean... so empty... nice huh? sigh... i like the blank slate look very much. well, it's still very nice, just got some paint now and some furniture, but still a crappy electric piano, i still don't really have enough money to get a real piano yet... that's one 1-year goal that i didn't get to reach. but the yard is done, that was a big project, but no way does it still look as nice as this:
awww, look how pretty it was! and in the morning there used to be little mushrooms that popped up (and then died by the time lunch came around), that was really cool (after growing up on mario, mushrooms growing right in my yard was like nirvana... plus they always remind me of japan, like totoro or mononoke hime or something). now it's all sparse and dry and no way looking so nice. i think it doesn't get enough sun or something... and there's still all those disgusting flying long legged bugs all over the place too. things need to change, that would be a good 2nd year goal, make the yard a liveable place... get rid of the bugs, restore the lawn, maybe plant one of those little japanese trees or something, that'd be cool.
all in all though, i'm uber-happy with the way that everything turned out. so, big party this saturday for the house-i-versary, gonna be great i hope, i dunno, it might be a mixing of people because i invited the work friends and regular friends too so hopefully no one will be too bored or awkward feeling (beer helps with both those problems). but before that, i had to celebrate on my actual house-i-versary day, so after my workout i went to buy myself a special little dinner (otherwise i would've been another day of the lasagna leftovers)... tonkatsu donburi with tsukemono and salad, then i make a little bit of miso soup and some green tea to top it off, yummy!

#186 - great week

so after reading brandi's last post, and reflecting on the one-week vacation that ends today, i feel pretty great about how well this vacation turned out. and what made it great was that i had so many new experiences, different activities throughout the week that taxed by neuronal horizons and broadened my scope of life events. that makes for good stuff, so here's the low-down on my week off of work:

1. NO WORK!
of course, that's the best part about it. get to go to sleep and wake up on my own time, don't have to worry about schedule or traffic, get to be free and see where the day takes me.

2. birthday party
well, i already posted about the b-day party, but it was a good one, plus gyukaku = yummy, and sake bombs = awesome
3. surf
even though there weren't a lot of waves this week, there was nice weather and clean stuff up north so i had a great time. some old guys talked to me about my board again, saying i should fix it up and hang it on my wall or something (i've got a really old board, beat up and all, but old and kinda vintage), and i'm becoming more and more inclined to do that, except then i would have art that's too big for my house and no board to surf on so...

4. hiking
two types of hiking this week, with old friends and with new friends from work, both were fun and both were very different (aiea loop trail one day and waianae coast the other). the pictures up here are from the waianae coast hike, you go all the way to the end of the highway and you can walk along the coast (and past that cool sea arch) to kaena point (where these two seals were hanging out).5. football
went to the football game on saturday too with the new friends. tons of fun of course, we tailgated in front of the car, inside the car, and away from the car all in one day, also we go the most awesome parking spot in the history of games ever, like right in front of the main box office entrance, we were actually sitting and tailgating on the sidewalk in front of the stadium, sweet.

6. great tv
that probably seems antithetical to the other points in this post, but in between beaching and hiking and whatever some down time is important to recharge the mind and body. this week was a "back on the air" kind of week for all my favorite things to watch, there was terminator on monday, bones on wednesday, the office on thursday, volleyball on friday, and snl on saturday. plus i just discovered that they're playing "3rd rock from the sun" on the tvland channel, score! that's being dvr-ed as i write this post. i love dvr because then i can take tv in little segments, watch what i want in short spurts and then go off to do other things out in the world, it's a great balance. also, i just found this website where i can do the same thing, watch a little and not get too couch-potato-y and go do something else so that my life can be well-diversified, gotta keep the brain and the body active, that's the key to living a healthy and happy life right? just like these guys:

#185 - let's get ethical

okay, so i wrote that last post actually on tuesday, but i after writing it i didn't really want to post it because it was so negative, and i didn't want to push all those great birthday pics out of the way for a nasty, negative post, but i did spend a lot of time writing it and i think it has a message of some sort so i did post it, but then right after i posted that i found this fantastic clip from the office so read that one first... take a minute to let it sink in... then completely forget about it and press play:

#184 - trust

i'm pretty sure i'm a socially awkward person. there are many situations throughout a normal day when i say to myself, "i'm such a dork," like when i'm talking to someone new or random (like at the store or something). or even in instances where i miss communication because i feel like i shouldn't talk to random people or i avoid eye contact or whatever with random people. i create socially awkward situations on a very consistent basis.

anyway, the tipping point for this realization was on sunday, i went to pick up food from bale (i love pho... even though everyone says it's not "real pho" i still like it) and there's this lady who works there who says hi to me everytime i go in. and, granted, when i first moved in i was going there maybe every or every other sunday after church, but when she says hi, it's a little too much, like she REALLY knows me, except she doesn't. well, so i thought what happened is that she mistook me for someone else that looks like me that actually comes in all the time because one time she asked me about my girlfriend and when i told her i didn't have one she looked confused and said that we always came and ate in the restaurant, but i always take out. then last sunday she asked how work was going and asked if i was working a lot... i never told her about my job or anything, but it's a pretty generic question so i guess she could just be trying to make small talk, but it also sounded like she thought i was someone else who used to talk to her about work. but there may actually be someone that looks like me that works (or used to work) at starbucks because a while ago at maui tacos the guy there asked about work too and said "don't you work at starbucks?" so maybe i do have a look-alike out there.

anyway, so this whole thing got me thinking about how many socially awkward situations i get myself into on a daily basis and it is rather a lot. so i decided to make an effort to be more open and talky and try to have some normal interactions. that's why this post has pictures (that my aunty took) of moloka'i, the friendly isle, haha. i've been trying it out with some new friends i've been meeting and that's been going okay, and i've been trying it out with some random people at the store or out surfing and i'm still very dorky about it, but i guess it's working.

but then i was out surfing today at chun's (it was a nice day, clean waves, tons of people out there) and i was trying to be friendly and smile and things like that. so after i'm done, i'm walking back to my car from the grassy side of the beach (where the lifeguard tower is), i'm approaching the road and some guy in a passing car yells out his window "nice board, pu$$y." wtf right? i was shocked because it was so random. first i thought, "i don't know them, do i? nope." then i thought, "did i offend them while i was surfing, cut them off or something? nope." well, i was having a little bit of hard time carrying my board (it's pretty big and heavy and my arms aren't that long) so maybe they were just making fun of me, but that's so random and they would've been driving past so fast that how could they even see that... and then laugh, and then decide to yell something offensive, and then actually yell it before the car passed.

so, that was pretty rude. and it don't matter too much because i don't know who it was and it was so random so why worry right? but it got me thinking, what would make someone so randomly act in that manner? and i started asking for a little guidance from the Lord because lately i've been trying to have a little more trust in his plans and not rely on my own, flawed judgement like i have been too much. well, so it didn't hit me at first, but as i thought more and more about it, the realization came to me that even in random acts we can either pick out the positive or the negative of the situation. the negative, of course, being that i could've gotten super pissed and been angry at the world all day. the positive being that i could think about what would compell someone to perform a random act of meaness and think about times when i've done the same thing. like giving someone stink eye in traffic, or rolling my eyes at the lady at jack-in-the-box who gives me the wrong change, or something so needless like that. and in thinking about that aspect of the situation it has made me more diligent in trying to spread positives instead of negatives in my own life. see? so the Lord has a plan, i need to trust in him more.

okay, but if you're not down with the religious-ness of this message (i'm catholic after all...), how about just thinking about how tough it can be in the world with everyone spreading one random act of meaness everyday. it might not happen that often to any one person, but think about how that negativity circulates and grows, why not replace it with goodness instead? how's that? hippie enough? how about this then... this song has been stuck in my head from the instant i heard it on sunday and i've been singing it every moment since, for a reason?

wild world - cat stevens (i like the acoustic version by three sides now)

"it's hard to get by just upon a smile"

#183 - blomberg birthday

here are some pictures from the blomberg birthday extravaganza, it was tons of fun. first of all, gyukaku is great. harami miso is fricken best in the world. we got the set meal this time which was great because it gives you a nice sample of all the good stuff, but i think next time i'll be a little more adventurous and order by plate. we went pretty early, but that was actually pretty great because it was happy hour so we got some pitchers of kirin and the rest of the night was all gravy. i was pretty impressed with everything, including the waitress (she was in training and messed up a little bit, but gave the birthday blombergs free shots and desserts), as soon as we mentioned "sake bomb" she got major excited and did the whole sch-bang for us (see pictures below). definately a great birthday place to go.

sam and kristen show off the menu

nicole was smiling and neil was making a creepy face, then jill took too long to take the picture and this happened
when in japanesie-land, do as the japanesies do
check out that creepy guy on the left trying to get in the picture

this is the saddest picture in the world... just look at all that spilled sake (you can also see the rest of the beer than ended up on neil's shirt)

#182 - me angry?

okay guys, so i might have some hidden rage somewhere. i had another funky dream last night that was very plausible and very heated as well. here goes:

it started with me living in a dorm room (probably because we were all joking about keane's last night), but i was in there and getting ready to leave to go out somewhere and i tried to close the door but the latch wouldn't catch. i kept trying over and over but it wouldn't close all the way so i was getting angry and i found some RA or something and told them i needed a new key because mine wasn't working. so the RA was being an idiot and was telling me like, "did you try using your key?" and "did you try to slam it closed?" and i was like, "yes, dumbass" but she kept giving me guff about it and finally she got the papers to apply to get a new key but she kept telling me that a copy of the key would cost me $20, but i was telling her i didn't LOSE the key, i have the key (and i showed it to her face), it just doesn't work, so that's not me being irresponsible and i shouldn't have to pay for another key that actually works.

but she was being a snotty bitch and i got more and more angry so then i looked around and then the hallway of the dorm was kinda turning into a library so there was a bank of computers at like a circulation desk with three pale, dorky-faced teenagers working there. they were each at a computer and had earphones listening to ipod in their ears, and as i tried to talk to them (they were super dorky) they were ignoring me like they were too scared to talk to an actual human being. then i was getting madder because all i wanted was for one of them to tell me who their supervisor was so that i could complain about that RA who was giving me a hard time about the key, but none of them would talk to me.

so then i go around the back of the circulation desk into the office area because i was determined to find some supervisor to tell about that bitchy RA, then i see kyle working at one of the computers and i was like, "score, no i've got the in's" so i talk to him and he says he's living in mccully now and so i say we have to get together (he looks super dorky too, but at least he talks to me). so he tries to tell me who the supervisor is but he says it's his first few days at work so he doesn't know everyone. then i remember who my boss was when i worked at the library in college and i start dropping names and what'd y'know she was still there! so she came out and i could talk to her and i was thinking "yes, now that RA is going down." but she told me that she wasn't the supervisor and that i need to talk to amber kaufman (a volleyball player for UH), and so she comes out (she doesn't really look like her, but kinda close) and she's got a bluetooth on and looking like she's in a really serious conversation so my ex-boss and i wait for her to finish. but then she finishes and we sit down and start talking but then she starts crying and i look on her phone and it says "phone calls: 3, drama: 8" haha, like she was having some fights with her boyfriend on the phone or something. so it was now getting kinda awkward to talk about the whole key situation, but then my ex-boss says, no you have to talk about the key because she (amber kaufman) needs to learn how to be a boss and put her personal life aside for work. i thought it was pretty mean, but it was weird... and that was about the end of the dream.

so, another dream like that where i get super mad, another dream with tons of day residue, and i did not eat anything before bed (although i had a fricken' awesome dinner at gyukaku and then drank like 3 kirins, and sake bomb and then 3 more bud lights at karaoke). so perhaps that means i've got some subconscious anger festering somewhere huh? i dunno. at least i've got a week of vacation this week so i'll be able to decompress a bit, i'm thinking beach, then beach, then beach, sweet.

#181 - october

i love october. here are some things i love about it:

1. halloween creepiness
2. the weather gets colder
3. volleyball and football at mid-season
4. 1 week vacation
5. time to start thinking about the holidays

sometimes i think i need to live somewhere with seasons because i love autumn and wintertime. well, at least i think i do, i would still need a very mild winter (think san diego, not wisconsin), but i like the idea of being able to wear cold winter clothes, see your breath in the morning, and see the leaves change, and even walk around in a little bit of frost, maybe. but still, living here at least i can live the seasons through the holidays, and the weather changes here too in october/november, it starts raining at least, and that's enough to make things semi-cold and cozy-making.

anyway, so october is a great start to all that, i love horror shows and assorted creepiness, but not slashers, i got over slasher movies after scream i think. i like cleaner horror and creepiness. like skeletons. this is pacman's skeleton. i like skeletons a lot. that's why anatomy and physiology class was so exciting to me, i love learning anatomical names, all latinized and everything (yes, i am a nerd, duh). i'm gonna make another shout-out to one of my favorite shows here... bones... they make great use of the science because it's not the main focus of the stories, in fact, in many cases it seems as if the science gets in the way of the stories and actually solving the case becomes so secondary to the character storylines that are running, and that makes for good tv.

speaking of good tv... thanks to joe for that last comment... also WTF to fox!? c'mon, how hard is it to keep a well-developed, quality show on tv? okay, so i really don't understand these tv ratings except that one time kathleen was asked to be a nielsen reporter and all she did was write down the shows she watched each week and mailed it in. wtf is that? where's my input? i think i'm a much better demographic than kathleen right? c'mon, i'm single male, age 18-39 right? haha! although she does spend a lot of money on things so maybe she is a more preferred demographic huh? anyway, it's not the first time and it definately won't be the last time good tv shows get axed by the suits so i shouldn't be surprised. what DOES surprise me is how little of a chance these shows get. i heard that "do not disturb" was cancelled too, that only had like three episodes right? give 'em a chance, don't just cut and run.

anyway, to start of the month of october and getting ready for halloween, i guess my brain wanted to jump-start the freakiness and gave me a totally freaky dream last night. what happened in the dream wasn't really all that creepy, just a lot of assorted day residue stuff from work, etc, but what was freaky was that i was completely emotive in the dream. like i felt rage and anger like i never feel in waking life, to the point of it being a little bit scary when i woke up that i could actually feel that kind of anger. anyway, it was so freaky i woke up quickly and immediately went to the computer to write it all down so i wouldn't forget, here's what i wrote:

first thing i remember is i was driving to the shopping center, kinda like pearlridge, there were two phases... i drive to one phase then get a phone call saying that my grandpa is in the hospital that's also in the shopping center by sears, but i'm at the wrong phase so i drive back to the shopping center with sears. i get there and park in an underground structure, go up the elevator into the hospital and i see morgan wearing a green hawaiian print dress, she has a like 4 year old son who recognizes me, like because he goes to the school where i work and she's also carrying another baby in ther arms. we talk for a little bit and i think it's weird that she's got two kids already. but she goes downstairs and i wait for the elevator to take me upstairs.

i go in the elevator but i don't know which floor to press, then i get a vivid image of a note i used to have saying the room was 3156b or something so i go to the 3rd floor and find my grandpa's room, i go inside and he's on the bed with nasogastric tubes all in him and all my family sitting around (when he passed away about a month ago i walked into his room with all my family sitting around, but he had already passed away, so no tubes). i think it's weird because my granda already passed away. so i expected to see him gone already but he was still alive and not doing too good. then he asks my aunty to take out the tubes because he's had enough already and he's ready to die. but after they take everything out he's doing okay and talks to us and we have to feed him so my sister goes to feed him like a plate of shredded chicken and beef jerkey but she'd kinda nervous because she doesn't really know how to feed him because those foods are kinda tough and hard to eat, like, how to i feed an old person? but she's trying to feed him, but he can't really chew or anything so he keeps coughing. then we get talking about who's going to watch him and my mom is there and they're agruing about it. and i say "why can't i watch him," but no one wants to trust me. then the argument turns into who's gonna watch joshua (my nephew) and i get super pissed off that no one's asking me to watch or no one's even thinking that i could watch even though i'm gonna be on vacation next week and will have plenty of time. then all of a sudden we're in my office at work, which is also a public library, there are kids checking out books and my nephew there with my mom and they're at some computer tyrying to learn how to talk. i don't remember a lot of but i know that i'm still super mad because no one will trust me to watch him. then we're in my office at work and my co-workers are going home, and my dad is there trying to finish borrowing books and take my nephew home. it's time to go home and i'm trying to close the widnows to the classroom to go home, but there windows are all still ajar and i have to keep going back to close them over and over again.

there are other co-workers in the room like eileen and judy (who i don't work with everyday) and they're all coming in to work, kathleen is there too and all of sudden she leaves early, like at 3:30 and eileen and all of us are shocked that she left early (because i always tease her about going home way too late). i'm still trying to convince my mom that i could watch joshua, but she's making orange construction paper cut outs for him, then she leaves and my dad comes in to take joshua so i'm helping clean up the construction paper and getting some for him to take home in an envelope. as i leave the classroom with another co-worker one of the office workers who retired last year comes to the room, she says she's got work to do. but i have to lock the door because i'm leaving so i ask her if she's got a key but she doesn't, but she says she needs to do lots of work over the weekend in a super condescending like voice so i'm angry at her too. so i "lock" her in, because she doesn't have a key to lock up after herself and i start walking to my car with my co-worker. there's A+ kids all over the place and one of them goes up to my co-worker and starts trash talking her, so i yell at the kid that he can't talk to her like that and while i'm doing that some other kids comes up and like assaults me so i block the kid's arm and knock him down like i would do to my dog when she jumps up at me and he falls to the ground. then some A+ mother comes by and starts yelling at me and i'm all swearing at the mother telling her she doesn't know what really happened and she better get the f*** outta my face. she threatens to report it and i'm so fricken pissed off that i just tell her to shut the f*** up and everything. so i leave and my co-worker walks one way and i walk the other way, but i can't find my car, because i parked in a different place, and i can't walk fast, i'm walking super super slow and it takes trememndous effort to lift my legs and walk. by now it's night time and i'm walking through the neighborhood and i'm thinking of places that i could hide in case i get in trouble for pimp slapping that kid.

i walk down the street but can't find my car, i walk and there's a car end to end blocking the middle fo the road and construction guys playing around beyond that, i ask if i can walk across the cement and they say it's okay but it's super hard to walk. it takes forever to walk anywhere. i walk past some kids playing and some people walking and come to a townhouse complex, some guy is outside with a pvc pipe and he presses a button on there to release some sonic pitch that's supposed to keep the bugs or fish or frogs away as pest repellent. i still can't find my car ande wonder how i'm gonnna get home, but it's so fricken super hard to walk that all i'm doing is struggling trying to walk and hoping i'll get somehwere, eventually....

then i woke up. freaky yeah? well, a lot of rubbish happening in that dream, but some things that stuck out:

1. i was super pissed off about four times in the dream, like maddening rage kinda angry, about things that i don't really care about in real life, kinda scary to think that i could feel that kinda anger
2. i think about work too much (imagine that! who would've thought right? ha)
3. i have a lot of dreams where i'm walking somewhere (either trying to get somewhere fast or just leisurely walking) and walking takes a super amount of effort. like wading through neck deep water except the water is thick as rubber cement. or maybe it feels like i'm trying to climb a flight of super steep stairs after sprinting up about 30 floors already. my theory is that i'm in some sleep stage where my mind is more awake but my body is not yet there and so my brain maybe is telling my body to move and my body is not responding so that gives me some kind of weird dream feedback, huh?

anyway, that was a weird dream.