#65 - drain

man did i ever need a weekend. the past week or so has been such and emotionally draining stretch of days. but luckily, it was one of those emotionally draining weeks when you can still look back and see that things have still turned out alright. still, when you go through rough times and look back at the events and the eventual outcomes and see that, like, on paper, it doesn't really amount to much, it's kinda sad because you feel like you've been through so much more.

and the sadder thing is that nothing really happened to me, haha. i mean, the actual events happened to other people around me, but of course i'm involved with them so i get involved in the reprecussions of the events. okay, yeah, vague, sorry. but i don't wanna spell it all out because these things didn't really happen to me, so it's not my story to tell. anyway, i know that i in no way had the worst of any of it, but i was still pulled along with their stresses and emotions and i guess a combination of a bunch of that plus bad timing has left me completely spent and it's not even friday yet.

but, i can share two things that i've learned through these various trials:
1. all people are just people... and people can be dickwads - it's really easy to define people by their professions and the positions that they hold, but i've gotta remember that they're still just people, and no matter how much schooling or years of experience a person has about how human beings operate and how they can deviate from that "normal/accepted" operation, they still have the innate potential to be dickwads. also, it has become my belief that people don't grow up. they learn how to be "grown ups" but it is a conscious decision on their part to act as such. therefore, i should not be surprised when adults in positions of supposed respect conduct him/herselves in a manner that is consistent with the behavior of total dickwads.

2. i guess there's a reason why i'm not working rehab - yesterday i was playing caretaker with my grandpa while the rest of the family was out and there was an accident and although i believe i handled it to the best of my ability, i do not believe that i'd be cut-out for dealing with these kinds of situations on a daily basis. all i could think was, "man, if a simple accident with an elderly person gets me so worked up like this, how am i ever gonna handle when i have kids?" yeah, well, thinking WAY far into the future i know, but then again i work with parents who are my age and have like three or four kids already so i know it's not my age, but my own personal lifepath that has not drawn me down the "kids" road yet. but then again, i mean, if a baby fell down i could just pick them right up and carry them or whatever, but you can't do that so easily with a grown man huh?

anyway, lots of stuff running through my brain and such this week. boy i'm gonna enjoy this weekend... i'm a-gonna grab myself some sand and surf and take it easy.